


One Too Many

by Pawprinter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hallucinations, Lost Love, Post Season 4, Time Jump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 10:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12455996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pawprinter/pseuds/Pawprinter
Summary: It's been several days since their whole lives had changed - they left their friends, their family, and their homes to survive. To Monty and Bellamy, the deaths of Clarke and Jasper are fresh wounds on their hearts. After one too many drinks, Bellamy has begun to see the woman he loves around the Ark. All he wants to is talk to her. All he wants is forgiveness.Cowritten with @TheEldestBlake on Twitter!





	One Too Many

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this one-shot is rated T for alcohol consumption.
> 
> A huge shout out to the lovely TheEldestBlake on Twitter (also known as manyfandoms100 on Tumblr) for co-writing this story with me. I had a blast! She is such a talented writer with so many amazing ideas in her head. Go check her out to read some more of her work!: https://manyfandoms100.tumblr.com/
> 
> This one-shot will be posted on my Tumblr (https://pawprinterfanfic.tumblr.com/) and my fanfiction.net (https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2588197/Pawprinter), PLUS my co-writer's Tumblr (https://manyfandoms100.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to leave your thoughts at the end!

Bellamy sat slightly away from the group. Each held a drink in their hand. Bellamy took another sip, in a desperate attempt to drown out his sorrows. But he couldn't have easily forgotten what he had done.

He left her. He left them all.

He couldn't help but imagine their wails and pain as the wave of death hit. How horrible their dying moments must have been.

How horrible _her_ dying moments must have been.

Did she made it back to Becca's lab, hoping to see their faces - hoping to jump back onto the rocket? Was she feeling betrayal as the wave washed over her, ending her too short of a life?

Or did she die, all alone, by the radio tower?

Bellamy felt sick even thinking about it.

He tried to push his thoughts away.

Each of them told stories of the people they had lost.

Monty talked about all the things he and Jasper had done together. Reminiscing about the old times. And mourning the times they would never have together. With a last goodbye Monty held his cup up as a toast to his fallen friend.

"May we meet again." Tears filled everyone's eyes, even Echo, who never really knew him.

Now they had to talk for Clarke. The girl that saved everyone, except herself. Bellamy took another drink before starting.

"Clarke-" he began and looked up from the ground. But his voice caught in his throat. His eyes locked on an object away from the group. "Clarke," he whispered in awe as he stared at the door where the blonde stood.

_She was there._

His breathing hitched and his mouth dropped open as his eyes connected with her piercing blue ones - ones that he had imagined a thousand times to be lifeless and unseeing.

Yet, here she was.

A smile was upon her lips and her eyes sparkled with mirth and life. It looked like she just told a stupid pun - something she had done too many times before.

"Bellamy?" Raven questioned, looking concerned. He didn't turn away from Clarke. She smiled gently and waved her hand in front of her, beckoning him closer.

Bellamy was in shock – his limbs were frozen in place. Seeing the girl he lost alive again brought his world tumbling around him.

When Bellamy didn’t move, Clarke’s smile faltered. She spun around and sprinted away from the room.

The cup shattered against the ground as he took off running. The prince running after his princess. The heart running after the head. The two leaders that kept one another centered.

Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was just his mind, maybe he had the flickering light of hope inside of him. He knew it was impossible that it wasn’t actually her, but he didn't care. He didn't care that it wasn't real, he just wanted to see her again.

He _needed_ to see her again.

He needed to say goodbye. He needed to ask if she was alright, wherever she ended up. He needed to know that he was forgiven for the pain he had caused her.

The hole that had begun to eat away his soul was instantly filled, just seeing her alive once more.

Monty turned to the rest of the group, worry colouring his features, as Bellamy bolted out of the room.

"I'll clean this - you go after him," Harper said, instantly springing into action. She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "He needs someone that understands what he's going through." It was unspoken, but the implication hung in the air – _you both lost the person you loved the most._

"Yeah. Alright." Monty got up from his seat. "I'll be back. Just... uh. Just be careful." Harper smiled softly.

"Go." So he did.

Bellamy turned down seemingly endless hallways. Only barely catching glimpses of the blonde hair turning corners. His footsteps echoed through the halls. He never slowed down, he never stumbled. _He just wanted to see her again_. She turned into the command station and he continued following.

"Clarke!" His voice was raspy from all of the nights spent crying. His throat hurt after screaming at the walls, begging for the past few days to have been a dream. "Clarke!" Bellamy called again. She didn't respond and didn't slow down.

He reached the end of the hallway, approaching the command station that he had seen her turn into moments before. She must not have wanted to see the others - that's why she led him to a secluded part of the Ark. She only wanted to speak to him - that's why she led him to an isolated room.

Bellamy turned to corner, a greeting on his lips.

But nothing.

_She wasn't there._

He frantically stumbled into the room, horror filling him. His heart dropped to his stomach and his hands started to shake.

She was gone, _again_.

His foot caught wires that he hadn't seen. His body went flying through the air, but he managed to catch himself before he hit the floor.

Something flickered in the room. Power flooded the four walls.

His face lifted to see it. To his absolute delight and horror, he came face to face with the single screen that had turned on.

It was dark and flashing red, showing the death of the person.

Clarke Griffin.

He recognized the setting of the picture. It was her mug shot. Octavia had one like it - it was the only picture of her to exist. He realized that he was looking at the last picture to ever be taken of his princess.

Clarke looked radiant - strong, powerful, and fearless. Her eyes were narrowed the slightest bit and her lips tugged down at the corners, showing her unhappiness with the situation. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a braid.

He remembered the first time he saw the girl he was destined to fall in love with. He had reunited with Octavia and was about to pull the lever, welcoming the first humans back to Earth in one hundred years. Just as his hand went to pull, she came running in. She looked almost identical to her mug shot plastered on the wall – her hair was pulled back in a braid and she was furious.

 _“Stop! The air could be toxic!”_ She was always one to expect the worst, but hope for the best.

 _“If the air is toxic, we’re all dead anyways.”_ He remembered thinking about how annoying she was. All he wanted to do was kill her. _How those times had changed._

His attention was focused back on the flashing screen. Along the right hand side of the screen were statistics. They were clearly monitoring her health as there were boxes monitoring her pulse, oxygen levels, and temperature.

This must have been what was used to monitor on Earth. This was what they used to track the hundred when the council sent them down to die. The wristbands picked up vital signs and transmitted it to the Ark.

Oddly, Bellamy felt better thinking about those days all those months ago. He used to think they were the most challenging of his life, but he was wrong. _Oh, so wrong._

Those days where it was just the hundred on the Earth, making camp, defending against Grounders. No scientists stealing their bone marrow, no politics, no death wave, no parents, and minimal death.

The screen was continuously flashing red. _He knew what that meant._

Dead.

Bellamy forced himself to focus on her face.

She looked so much younger than he remembered her ever being. The year she spent in isolation and the months she spent on the ground had forced her to grow up too quickly.

He stumbled back. The realness of it all finally hitting him like a bag of bricks. They had always come back. They had always lived. They always saved each other… but he couldn't. Not this time. She was gone. Praimfaya was the end of Clarke Griffin and there was no coming back from it.

The red on the screen in front of him was the truth now. Many months ago, it had been a message to her mother. Now? Now, it was a message to him.

Dead.

Gone.

Never coming back.

Bellamy swayed on his feet. He was overcome with a flood of emotions.

He felt sick.

His heart hammered in his chest and his knees went weak.

She was dead.

He never told her that he loved her.

He never went after her.

She was left alone to die.

Oh, gods. _She was dead._

Bellamy slipped down to the floor with his back pressed against the cool metal of the wall, his head spinning with regret, guilt, pain and grief.

She was gone.

Sorrow overcame him.

He let out a few broken sobs before swinging his fist into the side of the control panel he fell onto. Pain flared up his arm, but it was nothing compared to the pain he felt inside of himself.

He let out a strangled yell.

He felt lost. Trapped. Useless. He couldn’t do anything to save her. He couldn’t do anything to make this situation better.

She was dead and all he could do was cry.

Monty stumbled into the room. It wasn’t hard to find the leader of their group – his sobs echoed around the empty hallways, filling the Ark with pain.

He clutched the side of the door as he looked around for Bellamy. His eyes caught the crumbled figure in the corner and scanned over the screen. His jaw clenched as he realized what was happening.

The same thing had happened to Jasper. Bellamy was losing himself to the pain, and Monty couldn't lose another person. He refused to lose another brother.

His fingers punched buttons on the keyboard and the screen went dark. He looked over to his friend. To the broken leader. To the man that lost one of the closest people to him and he couldn't help but think of Jasper.

Harper was right. They needed each other. They both lost some of the most important people in their lives – he lost Jasper and Bellamy lost Clarke and Octavia.

Monty shifted on his feet, unsure of what to do. What could he say to make him feel better?

Nothing.

Monty closed his eyes, trying to keep the pain back.

There was nothing to say that could take this pain away from him, just like there was nothing anyone could say to him to take the pain away of losing Jasper.

He felt lost. He felt useless. What could he do? He tried his best with Jasper, but it wasn’t enough. The pain was too strong from consistently losing the people he loved, over and over. What if that would happen with Bellamy? What if he wasn’t enough for him either?

Screw it, Monty thought. He was going to try everything he could to make this better.

“It hurts.” Monty was surprised by the pain in his own voice. “It _really_ hurts.” Monty slid down the wall next to Bellamy. There was a pause as Monty gathered his thoughts. "Look Bellamy, we can't lose you too. We need you. We all need you."

Bellamy looked over to him with tear glistened eyes. Those were the same words Clarke had used. The words that brought him back to the camp.

But they were nothing more than words now.

He didn't feel hope.

He didn't feel needed.

He felt completely and utterly hopeless.

Clarke had once asked him if he still had hope and he responded with ‘we're still breathing, aren't we?’ Now she wasn't breathing and he had lost hope. Two pieces to a whole and half was gone. _Nothing could replace that half_. Bellamy pulled away from Monty’s touch.

“She needed me too!” Desperation rang out in his voice and tears flowed down his face. He was so angry and in so much pain. “Cl-” His voice faltered as he said her name. “ _Clarke needed me, too,_ Monty.”

“Wha-”

“She died alone!” Bellamy snapped. “She died all alone on Earth. I should’ve been there.”

“I don’t understand. She wouldn’t want you to die – she would’ve wanted you to live. That’s why she did what she did.”

“No!” Bellamy exploded, clamouring up from the wall. “You don’t understand. _I was supposed to be there._ Me! I was supposed to align the radio tower with her!” Bellamy took a few deep breaths. “We should have died down there together. _I should have gone with her_!” Monty couldn’t help the curiosity from bubbling up inside of him.

“Why didn’t you? Go with her, I mean?” Bellamy’s stare turned murderous and Monty instantly regretted asking the question.

“I ask myself that question every waking moment,” he growled. “She shouldn’t have died alone. We should have been together, but we weren’t. I left her to die all alone to save _you!”_

Monty fell silent. Those words stung. It felt as if Bellamy was blaming him for what had happened.

Was he to blame?

Monty pushed those thoughts out of his head. Bellamy was just hurting – he didn’t mean what he said.

Bellamy glared down at him. Monty could only shake his head in an attempt to stop the tears.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Tell that to Clarke," Bellamy spat. He charged out of the room, leaving Monty with his thoughts.

Monty felt worse than he did earlier – he didn’t think that was possible. He couldn’t save anyone – not Jasper, not Clarke, not Bellamy.

He let out a small sob and let his head fall into his hands.

Bellamy heard Monty’s cries as he left the hallway, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was in too much pain right now. His head was in too much turmoil to – his heart was hurting too much. He knew Monty didn’t deserve the pain that he gave him – but he didn’t turn around to try to take it back.

Bellamy took off running once again, trying to escape the sounds of Monty’s hurt – trying to escape the pain.

_It didn’t work._

As Monty’s sobs faded, it was replaced with more guilt, more regret and more hurt.

Bellamy’s legs led him to a bay window overlooking Earth.

Another wave of nausea hit him and he tumbled to his knees. Waves of pain radiated up his bones, but he didn’t have it in himself to care.

He felt like his life was falling apart.

Ever since that of the Unity Day masquerade ball a few years ago, his life had been turned upside down. He lost his job, his mother, and his sister. He risked everything – even his soul and his humanity – to follow Octavia down to Earth. He became a monster – he became someone he wasn’t, just to survive. He fell in love. _He lost his love._

Bellamy closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the glass.

This was where Octavia first saw their home planet. That’s why his legs carried him here.

In the year that they had been on earth everything turned into chaos. Maybe too much chaos was a bad thing.

His eyes wandered the forbidden planet. The air _is_ toxic now, they _are_ all dead. The planet that once meant life for his people, now meant death for most. Everyone was either gone, dying or alone.

Clarke was all three.

She was gone. She was dead. And she died all alone.

The planet was up in flames, taking everything with it.

Cleansing the world.

Bellamy hand hit something on the window. A glass of alcohol. He picked it up and looked back to the fiery world. He gave a soft scoff.

"Looks like I finally got that drink." He held up to bottle the world and took a long swig. “Too bad it wasn’t with you.”

Bellamy stayed silent for a few minutes, completely focused on the people he loved but lost.

Aurora.

The delinquents.

Jasper.

Lincoln.

Octavia.

Clarke.

He felt his lips moving without a second thought.

“In peace may you leave the shore, in love may you find the next. Safe passage on your final journey to the ground. May we meet again.”


End file.
